When I think about what I want for this year, I find myself at a loss.  The last year has flown by with such a speed that I’m still in a bit of a daze, wondering what happened to all the time.  As I mentioned a while back, 2008 was as much a year of transition for me as it was anything else. I finally finished graduate study, my thesis, and even got some research published. Then quickly managed to find myself dutifully employed. I do say dutifully, because it seems as much an obligation to utilize my education as anything else. Although, sometimes I feel I’m not really testing my CS skills all that much at my new job.

If there was anything that 2008 was not, it was not the a year of anime for me. As always, there were many good shows that caused me to think and awakened some slight emotion that had been hidden away for awhile. Emotion, this is probably the primary reason I watch anime or movies or just like to hear a good story.  Yet, I have to struggle to think about the shows that really pushed me to feel this year.

I don’t think it’s the anime that is the problem. Time has moved by so fast that I had blindly just accepted it bleeding away.  A new day’s dawn, given way to a sunset, and I just let them pass by. I failed to noticed them because I was working away at some mindless goal that I had set years before. Some me set that goal. That me was very different from the one that would eventually realize those goals. I look back and see that the me that started on this journey is not the me that finish.

To some extent, I pity and hate that previous me for doing this. Some may see the accomplishments I’ve achieved as admirable. No doubt, it wasn’t easy, and it did take much work.  I am proud of myself but not too proud. I also look back, realizing all the things that I did not do, all the moments missed, and all the time frivolously spent. If time be a currency, I truly did spend it as if I were one without limit.

No doubt, anime has consumed countless hours of my time. I feel that I may have been using it as a bit of a crutch. It was something that allowed me to avoid doing other things.  Throughout the previous year, I was unable to use it as such because I simply had too much to do. Now that my time is a bit more free, I’m forced to wonder if I’ll fall back on my old ways.

I guess, one could say that only time will tell.

So CCY decided to continue the adhoc tradition of the 12 moments of anime christmas, or something along those lines.

I thought it over, but I just don’t have twelve moments to share. The past year has has been a blur of monotonous misadventures in the increadibly dull. Of course, I’m not talking about anime. I speak of the events in my own life.

The year started out with a rush to complete my thesis before graduating in May. Then the summer was full of work for pay. Then pretty much sleeping all day, because I worked at night, which was none too good for the health. I also didn’t get much anime in, far less than I woud have liked.

Continuing in that direction, I started a new job in September. Basically, it’s been nine-to-five since then (actually more like 7 to 4). Pay is good; people are nice. It’s odd being awake during the day. What’s that big ball of fire in the sky? It’s so, warm.

I just don’t have twelve moments CCY. I’m sorry. I wish I had, but it’s more like I just have one year long moment.

I hope, for my sake, next year will be more varied.

I figured this post needed a picture. It’s not related or relavent, but I had this one sitting in a blank Hyakko post draft that I never got around to finishing. So, there you go, your obligatory anime blog post image.

Okay, so lolikit and IcyStorm have decided to become innocent anime heroines and try to become “kindness, care, love, beauty, cheerfulness, friendliness.” In summary, they’re going to look past the “not wonderful” world of ours, trying to find the proverbial silver lining. They want to look past all the bad things to see the good aspects of events in their lives and in others.

I’m as full of kindness and care as anyone, but I not only think that being kind/caring 100% of the time is not possible; I think it is a bad idea. It’s as natural for people to be uncaring as it is for them to be caring. Don’t forget that “not caring” is the same thing as general apathy in some instances. It’s necessary that people realize that not everyone loves them or cares for them. This makes the ones that do all the more meaningful.

Their experiment isn’t actually about “loving” people. It seems to be geared toward showing a simple respect and good outlook. Oddly, the criteria they intend to follow doesn’t seem all that stringent. The one main problem is that the goal is essentially anti-conflict in nature.

Humans still live in a world in which we compete for “resources,” even at a local level. The concept of “resources” can be abstracted anywhere from a mate to a good seat at the movie theater. Basically, what I’m getting at is, conflict too is in the nature of us. We need to conflict in order to grow, to learn, and to prosper. Ask yourself, why does humanity strive for any goal? What is the purpose of our civilizations? Finally, what was the driving force behind that growth? I think you’ll find the answer quite obvious.

A quote from a book I read a long time ago comes to mind, Everyday Ethics by Joshua Halberstam:

Imagine a world where your behavior is never evaluated: no one ever praises you, no one ever criticizes you. Whenever you do something wrong, people say, “Ah, you know how she is, you can’t really blame her. If you knew about her upbringing, you’d understand.” Most people hate to be excused in that dismissive manner. We want people to hold us responsible for what we do, even if that means ticking them off. We would much prefer to have people angry with us than have them pity us.

Judging other people’s actions is rooted in conflict. That particular passage of the book goes on to talk about how condescending not judging other people is, showing a disrespect of that person.

People have a right to be punished. They have a right to be treated like adults, not like children or animals. When you refuse to judge someone,  you refuse to take that person seriously.

With regard to lolikit and Icystorm’s experiment, while the goal is admirable, I think the method is flawed.

I often talk about the emotional impact of viewing art. In particular, I put a lot of focus on empathy. It’s almost always used to describe the personal understanding of the plight of another person. This is contrasted with sympathy, which is simply feeling sorrow on behalf or for another person. We may not understand the pain, but we do understand the resultant feelings or distress.

I bring this up because I came across these 5.12 EARTHQUAKE STRIPS. It was a link that appeared on reddit. As always, there is a great spectrum of comments on the post. The comments show a range of feelings on the matter. Some were moved, and others were joking. There are mocking tones, and complete apathy towards the matter.

It shows that empathy and sympathy are dependent on the individual. As for me, the strips were very moving.

There is a certain amount of time that one is allowed to waste each day in the pursuit of personal pleasures. More often than not, this time is utilized for what many would simply term “relaxation.” This empty time of leisure is to an extent fruitless. Conversely, there are those among us who seemingly work endlessly; still, that endeavor may be just as empty as sitting and doing nothing.

Life is very short when compared to the expansiveness of time; yet, we waste away what little moments we have doing very much useless things. That is to the outside observer. Sometimes, it is seen that way by us. In the end, what is it that we accomplish through these unhurried and unstructured hours?

Maybe the question should be, why do we do it? Some find their comfort in those segments of the days, weeks, months, or years. That comfort of losing one’s thoughts and shifting one’s mind to other things. Many find their reassurances at the bottom of a bottle or in the form of some other chemical self-medication. The goal would seem to be physical pleasure, or is it mental blankness? Others may find it better to keep their thoughts busy by doing other things. Perhaps it is a book, music, or television. Likely, for both, it is some-thing enthralling enough to direct the mind’s attention; that attention being focused, for a time, on one thing.

However, it simply does not work because thought is not so simple. The problem is that our minds don’t turn off. They churn what information is gathered from the senses. It is examined, stored, and reexamined. It is forgotten and remembered. Worst of all, the mind fixates. A single memory can become a lifetime of thought. Its weight, overbearing. Its size, enough to encompass all being.

All this comes in the light of a posited question: has the time we spend for our work or leisure overtaken us? Addiction is defined mostly by a compulsive behavior that interferes with one’s life. It is the chronic wanting, seeking, and exercise of some thing that is harmful solely by its use.

It is us who are addicted to wasting time. To the pursuit of nothing more than watching life’s flame burn out slowly, dimly, without much fuss. The alternative is to make use of that time to better one’s self.

What does it mean to be better than one’s self? It would seem that many have the answer with regard to others, not to themselves. There lay the problem in this line of thought. Who really knows what should be done with our time? What fruit will be the results of our expenditures, and what costs will be wrought? Some would say it should be measured by the end results for all. Another would say it should be weighed by the personal gains.

All may have a preference, but that doesn’t change anything. Whether the goal is right or the gain is good leaves us with only another matter of contention. Perhaps, things should just be taken as they are, and the lot of us should simply carry on.

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In other news: After better than a month I’ve made a new blog header.