I was talking with a co-worker the other day about nescient youth and eventual bumpy rise to a professional career.  I’m probably one of the youngest among my team of co-workers and even the larger organization. I’ve always felt older than I am. So, it’s a bit odd to be surrounded by people who have two or three times the life experience. In some cases, those co-workers have decades more work experience (in the same field), than I.

While talking to my fellow worker, it happened that we had similar stories about working our way through university, about leaving friends behind, and about moving forward. One striking similarity came up that has stuck with me, from that conversation. Neither of us had anything we could consider a mentor or role model.

At the time, when I was younger, it never occurred to me that I needed someone to offer direction.  In my mind I was capable enough. I knew the direction I wanted to go, and I was headed that way. Be that as it may, looking back on my younger days I can’t really say that I was all that directed or all that motivated. Explicitly, I lacked any real direction or drive. It was something I had to find later.

It isn’t like I’m all that experienced now, either. There are differences, though. I have more history, knowledge, and have grown much since that time. As a youth, I lived life as it was presented to me and mistook making choices of the options given to me as directing my own path. But, flowing through life like the winding trails of rain water is not to be mistaken for making important life decisions. It is a childish way of living.

Now that many of the decisions that I had made as a younger me have largely played out their resultant effects. I can reflect on the outcome. The time spend wisely and wasted is clearly visible to me know.  The bad decisions as well as the good are so much more distinct from each other. More than anything, I’ve come to the point that I know that there is so much more that I don’t know. Truly understanding that concept took too long in my opinion.

Now, I can honestly say, I wish I had a mentor when I was younger. I really do. My pride, probably, would have never let me say something like that not too long ago. For a time, I saw my solo adventure through colleges, jobs, and relationships as a badge of honor. Those things were a testament to my talent and drive. It was a big “fuck you” to all those people who tried to hold me back or didn’t think I could do it.  I can see that it merited very little for me.

Life is all about choices. One absolutely has to make those choices on their own, or it isn’t really worth living. Life is also about making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and using that knowledge later. However, it isn’t a bad thing to have a map of the possible troubles along life’s routes.

That’s what a mentor should be. They are the map. Not necessarily, a map of the route from A to Z. They are a map for any direction or road you wish to take. They can tell you were the bridges are or where the rivers run. You can visit the mountains or the plains, and your map will help you get there. It can’t and won’t tell you the best way or the only way, but it will help get you there.

The younger me really wishes for a mentor.

Last time on How to H, we learned about enemies. This post has nothing to do with that.

At some point in your life someone told you that everyone is special in their own way. The thought was reassuring because it meant that conformity was impossible. Yet, the drive to be the same or similar to those around you was so strong that to some degree you complied. Maybe, it was wearing a certain style of clothing. Maybe, it was using a certain style of slang. Maybe, it was an attitude.

Most people are more utterly similar than they are different.

Perhaps, it’s our differences that make us “unique.”

But, it’s our similarities that make us human.

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I’m a little behind on these posts, since the goal was to do about one per episode. I’ve still got B Gata H Kei episode 8 to do. Episode 9 is currently in the backlog.

We’ve been moving along rather nicely in our H-studies.  Last time we talked about centering our ero-power. This will come in handy because our next topic will be both physically and mentally challenging. In battle the only way to survive is to keep your head about you.

Enemies:

You need an enemy.

There absolutely has to be someone that can oppose you in all things. It must be a rival, a nemesis, that can beat you. Not all the time, though. You must find an enemy that will push you to grow further when you are defeated, and someone that will not back down when you are wallowing in your inevitable victories.

Finding an enemy:

All great powers have equally great enemies. Honestly, without great enemies, great powers are only half as great. Superman has Lex Luthor. Batman has the Joker. Tom has Jerry. The United States had the Soviet Union. The list goes on and on.

You’ll note that my list is somewhat lacking in anime characters. The problem with anime characters is that, individually, they are usually their own worst enemies.  This is actually closer to reality. It is usually our own self-doubts and fears that oppose us. Those are usually the hardest hurdles to cross.

But, saying your foe is yourself is a cop-out. How are you supposed to aspire to great H-ness without a viable archenemy? You aren’t, that’s how. You need somebody to push you along the path of overcoming those internal struggles. That’s the purpose of a arch-rival.

It’s not as easy as it seems to find and keep a nemesis. Here are some rules:

1. You don’t have to hate them, but it helps.
2. Opposites attract, but similarities conflict more.
3. Don’t win too often, let them win sometimes, too.
4. Don’t lose too often, fight dirty if you must.

It may be a good idea to put up some ads in the classified section of your newspaper or on some match making websites. You can also put up an archenemy application form on your blog.

Combat:

You don’t take your archenemy out for a Sunday brunch. Well, that is, unless you are planning to defeat them in an epic all you can eat tea and cakes battle (actually, that’s a pretty good idea).

Not everyone will fight their enemy in a one-on-one physical conflict. Some will face their opposition in a battle of wits. How you fight is not as important as the interaction.

In any case, fighting with your enemy is the only interaction you should have with them. This is important, because if you start to get to know your enemy, you may find out that they are driven my the same things that drive you. You may find that they are only superficially different from you.

You may like them. We can’t have that.

Winning:

Most people will say that winning “gracefully” is the proper way to win. It’s just good manners.

However, that’s just not fun. If you win, rub it in. Pour a little salt on the wound. Do a little victory dance.

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That reminds me, I need to practice my victory dance. More How to H next week.

In the heart of every soul there is a tumultuous storm of memories and emotions. In some cases this chaos is unmanageable, leading to unending sorrows.  It is important that one bend this energy and form it for one’s own will.

Perhaps, I’m painting too bleak a picture. At any rate, the mind is a vast territory. How do you use your H-ness to conquer your self-imposed limitations?

Others may recommend a martial art or possibly some form of meditation to center one’s mind. That won’t do, our focus here is H. Therefore, we will be recommending something to center the individual’s ero-power. Sometimes it is referred to as the H-power. We won’t be referring to it as H-power because that’s kind of stupid.

The absolutely best way to flex one’s ero-muscles (hehe), is to remove the factors in one’s life that are restraining them. You have to free yourself of the confines of those restrictive covenants of chastity and modesty. You must let free repressed quarters of one’s form that are hidden away from the prying eyes of others but for the simple idea that they shame you somehow. What is shame? To be shy, in the face of the world. It is something to overcome and run from.

Of course, I’m talking about going commando. Not in the military sense but in the lack of undergarments sense. What could be more “freeing” than letting it all hang loose. Let thy loins be free.

Although, there is always the chance that society will not be ready for your newly freed loins.

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More How to H next week.

It looks like our How to H series is growing. In our last How to H we talked about improving stalking skills. You’ll be able to put that to the test when you start looking for possibly people to date.

At some point in your life, you will start craving attention from other people.  I know, I know…that sounds odd, but it’s that, one day, twelve hour anime marathons fueled by burritos and booze just won’t do it for you anymore.  That’s where dating comes in.

Dating is a common courtship ritual in societies that allow male and female mingling (or MM or FF or MFM or MMF…etc…).  It’s a surprisingly complex endeavor, but if you follow our simple H-dating rules, you’ll have no problems navigating the in’s and out’s of the dating world.

Getting that first (possibly only) date:

It takes two to tango, as they say. So, your first task is finding someone that you would like to date. Preferably, you should find this person attractive. Physical attractiveness is important, but it isn’t the most important quality that you should be looking for. You want someone who you like, can put up with you, and who likes you, too.

You’re probably wondering who this marvelous individual could be. Chances are that person has already made their feelings known, but you’re just too dense to see it. Don’t worry, you’ll eventually realize that they were dropping clues the entire time. The only problem is that this realization will probably come about ten years late.

Suck it up and find somebody else.  There are common ways of doing this for males and females. In short, the easiest thing to do is just to ask someone you like out.

Small talk:

We date to get to know each other, at its most basic level that is what dating is about. Humans use language to communicate. Language is so fundamental to the human species that learning to speak is literally hardwired into our brain. Basically, talk, you absolutely have to talk. The “what” is the issue here.

Talk about yourself. Your date obviously wants to know about you. So, just spend the entire time letting them know how awesome you are.  Also, tell them about all the anime you watch.

First kiss:

Most humans kiss. It is an entirely natural thing to do. It’s also natural to be a bit nervous about the “first” kiss. Don’t worry, even if you haven’t kissed anyone before, you’ll pick it up rather quickly. If this were a non-H “how-to,” I’d probably make a few recommendations like: start off slow, don’t use too much force, avoid breathing through your mouth, close your damn eyes, don’t lean too much, avoid tongue usage.

However, this is an H how-to; therefore, I’m going to make this one easy on you. Tongue, use the tongue.

Aside:

–Warning–

Listen well, this is very important. Under no circumstances are you to let your date turn into a sports anime.

Intimacy:

At this point, you both have gotten to know each other a little bit more. You’ve shared your first kiss. There are only two courses of action after that. Attack each other like animals in heat or end the date and go home.

Again, this is a easy one.

Conclusion:

Follow these simple rules and you’ll find that your date was a fulfilling experience. Like filling that empty space in your heart you’ve had for so long but were not sure of the cause but only a little.

Dating is intense.

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Okay, more next week, hopefully.