Day 1
When I think about what I want for this year, I find myself at a loss. The last year has flown by with such a speed that I’m still in a bit of a daze, wondering what happened to all the time. As I mentioned a while back, 2008 was as much a year of transition for me as it was anything else. I finally finished graduate study, my thesis, and even got some research published. Then quickly managed to find myself dutifully employed. I do say dutifully, because it seems as much an obligation to utilize my education as anything else. Although, sometimes I feel I’m not really testing my CS skills all that much at my new job.
If there was anything that 2008 was not, it was not the a year of anime for me. As always, there were many good shows that caused me to think and awakened some slight emotion that had been hidden away for awhile. Emotion, this is probably the primary reason I watch anime or movies or just like to hear a good story. Yet, I have to struggle to think about the shows that really pushed me to feel this year.
I don’t think it’s the anime that is the problem. Time has moved by so fast that I had blindly just accepted it bleeding away. A new day’s dawn, given way to a sunset, and I just let them pass by. I failed to noticed them because I was working away at some mindless goal that I had set years before. Some me set that goal. That me was very different from the one that would eventually realize those goals. I look back and see that the me that started on this journey is not the me that finish.
To some extent, I pity and hate that previous me for doing this. Some may see the accomplishments I’ve achieved as admirable. No doubt, it wasn’t easy, and it did take much work. I am proud of myself but not too proud. I also look back, realizing all the things that I did not do, all the moments missed, and all the time frivolously spent. If time be a currency, I truly did spend it as if I were one without limit.
No doubt, anime has consumed countless hours of my time. I feel that I may have been using it as a bit of a crutch. It was something that allowed me to avoid doing other things. Throughout the previous year, I was unable to use it as such because I simply had too much to do. Now that my time is a bit more free, I’m forced to wonder if I’ll fall back on my old ways.
I guess, one could say that only time will tell.
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Just curious, what do you study?
I studied Computer Science.
On another note, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to meld my CS study with my anime hobby, with little luck thus far.
I don’t know the difference between computer science, computer engineering, programming, etc. Though I doubt you’d much fancy meta stuff…
“That me was very different from the one that would eventually realize those goals. I look back and see that the me that started on this journey is not the me that finish.”
We change our minds all the time. The circumstances under which you had previously set these goals are different from those under which you achieved the goals. Society is changing, and we will no longer be staying at the same job until we retire. If you are unhappy with your current position in life, why not pursue something you really enjoy? Sure, you might have wasted a lot of time and money to get to where you are right now, but you’ll be wasting even more time and money if you stick with your unhappy situation. Think of your past education as a life-building experience and not as “time frivolously spent”. That change in perspective alone will propel you forward.
Of course, in this time of economic recession, it might be wise to stick with your current work for a while to pay off debts and save up for your next goal. But once you figure out something you want to pursue, enduring the current job won’t be too bad.
(Disclaimer: Sometimes I feel like I should take my own advice. I, by no means, have a clear idea of where I will be heading in the next few years, but I know that a few years of exploration will do me good. Perhaps the same can apply to you. Nonetheless, take my advice with a grain of salt because I really don’t have much life experience and am only relying on lessons learned here and there.)
Well, luckily, I don’t dislike what I studied or do for a living now. Although, I can think of some things I would rather be doing specifically in my field.
What bothers me the most is that I feel I didn’t use my time as productively as I could have in matters ranging across the spectrum of living. Also, I suppose that a bit of this is the shock and regret of moving on. It’s easy to justify doing or not doing certain things when you have the umbrella of “being a student” to fall back on.
I guess, it feels a bit like performing without a net.
i feel where you’re coming from since 08 was a massive transitional phase for me and even though I watched a shitload of anime, none was as effecting as what I watched in 07. 08 was the best year of my life, but anime was hardly the cause of it.
We probably aren’t quite on equal grounds though since I did still watch something like 40 days worth of anime last year lol.
Wow, 40 days. That’s a lot of anime…
I remember doing the math to figure out exactly how many hours of anime I watched per month a while back, but I can’t seem to find the work. It turned out to be less than I thought it would be.
I was hoping you’d say something along the lines of your fans and comment posters supporting you as well, but alas, there was none.
I didn’t mean to leave you guys out. I thought that the fact that I had an anime blog meant it was implicit that I craved your validation.
But, honestly, it nice to be able to post something like this and get meaningful responses.
My excuse is that everyone else already filled out all the meaningful responses possible.
Really? All of them?
No… Not really.